We'll Get Together Then

My An Arkie's Faith column from the October 19, 2022, issue of The Polk County Pulse.

Harold wasn't at the hospital the day his son was born; his job had taken him out of state. But he didn't miss the birth on purpose. His wife Sandra's due date was two months away. Earlier that day, Sandra had driven him to the airport to catch a flight to Atlanta. On her way home, she began to have premature labor pain and went straight to the hospital, where baby Josh was born just a few hours later. Because of his premature birth, baby Josh needed special care.

Later that day, Sandra called Harold at his Atlanta hotel to tell him that he had a son and that baby Josh would need extended care. It wouldn't be the last time that Harold missed a milestone moment in his son's life. Harold's professional future was looking very bright, but his home life was deteriorating. A couple of years earlier, he had been an out-of-work documentary filmmaker. Sandra remembered those days, "He'd pick up $100 here, $100 there for something but the money ran out. All of a sudden, there was a recession. There was nobody looking for him for a documentary, and that's when he got a hack license. And the day that he got assigned to this garage, three different film jobs came in, and then he did some training films for IBM." Harold never drove a cab, but he turned the idea into a song.

"By late Fall 1970, out of work, I start writing songs again, although in a completely different style," Harold remembered. "My quest for interesting film stories leads me into a narrative form of songwriting. It is fun writing again, and my brothers Tom and Steve, having formed their own group, are willing to perform some of my material. The end of 1970 arrives, there are no film jobs, and the movie industry is an economic disaster area. My daughter Jenny is six months on the way to being born, and I panic. I set into New York City to sign up for a hack license. On the way, I meet an old girlfriend who has married money instead of becoming an actress, and I contemplate the irony of flying in my taxi. But the day I'm supposed to start driving, fate again intervenes, and I'm offered three film jobs. Relieved, I plunge back into work but find that the songs are still coming."

Harold, "Harry," Chapin landed a record deal and released his first album in March 1972. His first single, "Taxi," made it onto Top 40 radio. The story of unfulfilled dreams struck a chord with the public. "She was going to be an actress, and I was going to learn to fly," but neither one of them are happy in their lives. There's this poignant moment near the end where she gives him a twenty-dollar bill, and he no longer has the pride to reject it, stuffs it in his pocket, and goes on.

With newfound success, Harry was touring extensively. Life on the road was lonely, and lady admirers were many. In December 1973, while Harry was in the recording studio, Sandy answered a call from one of Harry's admirers. As she talked, her anger exploded. After getting rid of the female caller, Sandy called Harry at the studio and told him not to bother coming home because their marriage was over. Overcome by the reality that his wife was leaving him, Harry fell into the dark abyss of depression. Despite his unfaithfulness and stupid, selfish behavior, Harry realized how much he wanted Sandy and the kids. 

After repeated apologies and promises that Harry would put his family first, Sandy said that if Harry was willing to change, she was ready to listen. Harry made his family his new number-one priority, and to prove it, he canceled all his western U.S. concert tours to limit his time away from home, and he started coming home the same night after his concerts, catching a red-eye flight. While he was away, Harry called Sandy multiple times daily, giving her updates and telling her he loved her. Not surprisingly, as Harry began to change, so did his songwriting. More and more, he looked to his family for inspiration. 

Around this time, Sandy showed Harry a poem she had written. When he read it, he told her he would put it to music. I'm sure you have heard Sandy's words. "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon. Little boy blue and the man in the moon. 'When you coming home, dad?' 'I don't know when, but we'll get together then. You know we'll have a good time then.'"

The song tells the story of a well-meaning but career-driven father. "My child arrived just the other day. He came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away." The implication is that his career is his priority, so he begins missing important landmarks in his boy's life. Fast forward to the final verse; the father is retired, but his son has moved away and now has a family of his own. The father calls and says,"' I'd like to see you if you don't mind.' He said, 'I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time. You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu. but it's sure nice talking to you, dad.'"

Harry released the single Cat's in the Cradle in 1974. The song reached the top of the Billboard music charts, sold millions, and earned Harry Chapin a Grammy nomination for Best Song. In other words, it struck a chord with people. Just five years later, my daughter was born. I could see myself in the lyrics. Six days a week, I left the house early in the morning before she was awake and didn't get back home until after she was asleep. We moved to Mena, Arkansas, when she was almost two years old. My wife agreed to the move stipulating that I would work fewer hours and only five days a week.

Gentle Reader, in Colossians 3:21 (CJB), Paul wrote, "Fathers, don't irritate your children and make them resentful, or they will become discouraged." Too many of us as fathers have experienced some form of the Cat's in the Cradle experience. Sandy Chapin said, "I think the reason people responded and continue respond is because it is a real-life story and everybody has a piece of that experience. I think today more than ever we need the song to help inspire us as parents to give our children the time the attention and the love that they need. Because, let's be honest it's it's not getting easier to live in this world."